CORRUPT AND COWARD

I am returning to writing after a long break during when I did not feel the inclination to put the keypad to my thoughts. During this period I was losing as well as finding myself alternatingly, hurtling down the abyss and then climbing to the peak only to fall again. A very disagreeable phase of mind I should confess. Official work has been going on as usual without any major hiccup and all these up and down travel have been of the mind alone.

During this time a lot has been happening on the conscience of this erstwhile great country with reference to the matter of corruption and degradation of its moral fiber. Like a couple of ugly ruptures on the wounds of an injured body, a number of fraudulent practices have been exposed in great detail by the various groups (media, NGO’s, IAS executives, etc.) Let’s look at what nature of ugliness that is seen.

The visible conclusions being;

(a) Every occupation, profession and every economic activity without any exception (including the judiciary and the military) is dense with corrupt practices. The plight is such that we now feel the immorality and corruption creeping into non-economic and innocent activities like prayer, friendship, and leisure.

(b) Every immoral and corrupt activity has an objective of obtaining an unfair advantage, undeserved benefit, and illegal wealth.       

(c) While everybody would turn a blind eye to the immoral acts of the other whether friend or foe in a quid pro quo kind of expectation; every exposure of corruption is always motivated, with an obvious personal axe to grind.

The invisible conclusions being;

(a) Every Indian wants to become wealthy and famous overnight without having to work hard for it.

(b) Immorality has become the acceptable standard of life amongst those born after independence. Honesty, transparency and accountability have been erased from the ethos of the Indian people.

(c) Hypocrisy is on the forefront of every mouth that opens to talk on this subject including mine. All of us can only talk about others; none of us have the courage to rectify our own selves.

(d) The immediate future of this country is dark. Mark my words, as of now we have yet to hit the rock bottom.

 Of late there has been a series of discussions in the news media about the extent of immorality in our lives our society and how to cope with it. However as long as money making and materialistic philosophy continues to rule at the heart of humans there cannot be an escape from the insecurities of loss. Sadly people do not have any solution in sight and neither is there a charismatic leader who is clean at the same time and who others can look up to. The entire nation has accepted mediocrity in every sphere of live and in every branch of activity to be the gospel supreme.

Lest it be assumed that this is another note on current affairs I wish to link the awareness of this dull mediocrity in my life as well which has depressed my sensibilities. An overpowering sense of impotency has impregnated all my thoughts and actions and makes me feel like a zombie slowly walking through life without a purpose. A keen sense of being corrupt flows as a strong undercurrent in all my activities accompanied with a fatal acceptance that I am a good for nothing. Let’s take my work first. I do rubbish for clients who have no moral character as well. I help them to indulge in their vanity and their dastardly attempts at image projection and its protection. Till date I have not mustered the courage to refuse them this pleasure only for the fear that they will get it done from another who also will get paid for it instead of me. What a coward! It isn’t that professionals with higher skills are exempted from such nefarious practices or that some professionals can afford to and some are permitted to remain aloof from doing despicable acts of omission and commission. Ii is accepted and understood that if a CA doing any type of work wants to move ahead in life then he/she has to get their hands muddied some way or the other.  It boils down to the issue of earning enough money and the individual definition about what enough means. A rotten profession indeed! Even so convinced I cannot bring myself to walk out of it as yet, atleast not at this moment. Probably I do not have the stomach to take an immediate fearless stand. I am the typical mango Indian who has let himself and the country down. Hollow and insipid! Next on the personal front too I have allowed myself to drift away from my preferred or chosen path. Of late it has been a lot of movies, comic books and other bodily and external charms which has captured the attention of my mind and there seems to be no let up. One distraction leads to another and quickly a habit is established. Over a short period of a couple of weeks I come to realize that I am held captive by some external fancy. The immediate next agenda then becomes the process of breaking the habit. Somehow I am beginning to comprehend that the level of seriousness which is needed to keep myself on the chosen path is missing. Either I am faking this whole chosen path ambiance which reduces me to the level of a silly melodrama. Otherwise it is very obvious that I am not good enough which then culminates into the realms of sober self-doubt.